daily blog

Someone To Hold…

I remember the first time I really got to hang out with other kids in my neighborhood overnight.

As a teenager I really didn’t have a whole lot of confidence. So whenever I went somewhere I felt overbearing to being in a place. I felt my head spin and emotional regret for ever leaving the house. Until one day I realized that I just needed a little extra push.
During that time as a teenager, I remember the first time I left the house to hangout with some friends, it was the very first time someone let me hangout with them without me feeling emotional regret for leaving the house.
A few of my friends from Junior High where hanging out near where I lived. I found out that most of the friends lived relatively close to where I was. I don’t know why this never occurred to me that people that go to the same school usually live fairly close to each other, but whatever, I’m not as dumb now.

I had a friend that was nice to me & instead of being a brat she would invite me to hang out with her and her friends.

The day I got to hangout with them was pretty fun. Typically things that bored teenagers do are to go to other neighborhoods and see if their other friends want to hangout, brag at their friends, tell their friends that they suck resulting in door slamming, and going to one location to hangout which usually ends up being a playground or a friend’s house.
The girl that let me hangout had a birthday that day, it was really awkward. Her mother was daunting over her and her birth story which was really uncomfortable. There was two other girls there at birthday girl’s house. One of them was her close friend and the other one I had a crush on, kitty girl.
Kitty girl earlier that evening scratched some boys and hissed at them, It was quite amusing. Luckily they lived to see another day. The two boys that ran away lived from wrath of kitty girl.

Kitty girl was VERY friendly after I told her “I feel weird hanging out here, this is a first for me.” She told me it was okay and proceeded in to telling me that her friends weren’t bad so I didn’t have to worry about them and that she felt the same way about hanging out, weird.
I then realized that the two there girls, kitty girl not included started smoking weed. I didn’t know what it was so I called my step-guardian who asked me a couple a questions about how it was wrapped and them told me “Its just weed” and then he laughed and said “Have a good time!” and I felt more confident knowing it was weed. Best parent story every.
Later that day I ended up snuggling with kitty girl, it was really weird! I never did kiss her, just held her there in my arms and when I let go she would say “Can you hold me, again?” Yep that was it, no kissing, just snuggling and it was awesome to snuggle with another girl. I think that is when I found out that I am about 90% percent into girls, and the other 10% is just my infatuation with hot asian guys.
I did end up finding this girl on facebook again nearly 12 years later, she likes a guy that she says is really into her, but I am not hurt about it, I am happy. I am happy that someone who gave me funny feelings for the first time is happy with another guy, because my experience with her was just a simple & sweet thing. Nothing more than that, just sweet.
The girl that had her birthday and her bestie kept giggling at the fact that kitty girl wanted me to hold her, but I didn’t care.
We fell asleep, cuddling. The next morning I woke up she wasn’t by my side, I panicked a little, walked out into the leaving room and there she was eating a bag of chips. I sighed in relief as she proceeded to tell me good morning and show me Kingdom Hearts Yaoi. It was excellent.
I ended up going home later that day and leaving her telling her “that her breath smelled bad” and that was regrettable because I liked her, oh well. I remember thinking “well, maybe next time I will talk to her again and be more polite.” That never happened, but till this day I admire that I had a simple & clean reminisce experience of having someone to hold.

The girl in the drawing is in fact not the girl I held that night, otherwise I would probably run the other direction. Humor me.



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